I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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