his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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