Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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