She said her name was "party"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
