A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm like, not good at living.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
