I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
