You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
