I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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