I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
