If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was born a porn star she said
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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