Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize