I wanna bring you to show and tell
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
