I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
