and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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