My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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