who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
