I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My life is pants optional.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize