just tell him i said nine months
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
