I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
