did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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