just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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