I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
