Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
