his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
