I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
