You really coming over, don't trick.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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