I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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