I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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