Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
