New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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