My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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