Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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