I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
