did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
