forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My penis needs a shock collar
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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