Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
