im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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