do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
