I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
