also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
sex in a hospital.. check
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
