they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
