Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
