I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
