woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
