Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
