onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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