U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just cut my nipple shaving
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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