Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
