i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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