i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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