You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
