Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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