Jerry, you need to find god
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
