I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
