I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
