his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
