and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
