so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
