so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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