My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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