Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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