I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
