Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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