I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
