Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
