i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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