those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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