There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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