Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
