Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
